"The definition of insanity is repeating an identical action over and over, and in between expecting different results."            -Albert Einstein

Okay, I'm no expert on this subject. In fact, I am so guilty about failing every year at trying to make things better and become more healthy. By the end of January, I'm a miserable wreck and worse than ever before when I decided to get on the bandwagon and live in a make-believe world. Therefore, I should not be writing this.

To the contrary, I have found strength and researched all the medical journals and looked into the study of behavioral sciences for the answers to this mysterious question about ourselves, and why can not seem to break habits like over-eating, smoking, not exercising. The list goes on and on with the the bad habits we get ourselves into: all the quilt we carry around of our failures in the worst time of the year of the northern hemisphere. Truly, we have only one life and it's too short for all this negative feelings we impose on ourselves.

This year I have become well prepared to tackle the new year's resolution. I had to take a step back and look at where things went wrong before. As well, I applied my knowledge and realized several crucial errors I was making as I was blind to setting failure. I also had to look beyond all the mumbo-jumbo and cockamamie similar to the riotous fruit-loops sweating on a stage at one of those motivational seminars.

Especially the kind that your employer paid big bucks with expectation that eventually sparks will fly out of your trousers the next time you are at the photo-copier. Let us rationalize this and think to view this under a different scope. Okay, break it down to semantics, that work is work, and family is family. Beyond that, it's all about time, and work is therefore one fraction of our daily life. Don't fall for the motivation that your company is supplying you. And if you are reading this at work, it's all right. I would never turn you in for being unproductive. You are reading this with all the help of your bosses because they really care about you as much as a herpes sore. You know -it's livable, as long as you don't come back too often with problems. Anyway, it's all the same of things that we once learned back in pre-elementary school. Today, we are grown men and women living as adults. Or, at least try to do so.

This time of the year, you will start reading and hearing about this resolution craze like all the other years and they too, are saying the same thing. Columnists and writers try to get to the nuts with the same stuff I once read in my preparation for this fool-proof resolution- accomplishment-planer-system. They interview doctors and psychologists and explain to us what they know, talking about "behavior pattern modification" and use time under statistical measures to say things such as, "Eat fruit when you get the urge," or, "Researchers say it takes X days of Y until you completely kicked the Z (habit). This is actually a great answer in regards to what we know about kicking bad habits. In fact, this is how the experts speak and they''re leading the way for us to understand in the best way possible. However, I realized something important and it goes mostly unnoted in research: that as humans we are emotional.

The first step towards having a better year and happier life is to understand that we have deep feelings inside ourselves that we associate with our habits. As we exist in a constant presence of emotion, so do our addictions and the by-product of this is usually guilt, resentment, anger, and all this takes from our motivation and focus and eventually turns into some form of depression. Eventually, a dark cloud will form about 6-8 inches above the crown of the skull and everywhere gone and everything done will be a failure. The first step to my plan is to loose the guilt!

Hey, we got one life! Don''t waste another day guilt-ridden. The best way to deal with this is to start catching yourself before sinking into guilt over NOTHING! It's something you created in your mind since God-knows when, and now it''s time to put an and to this insanity!

Example: You went out and partied last night, and now you are hung over (or still drunk) and can't go into work. So you get on the phone and as soon as your boss answers the phone or voice mail kicks in you change your demeanor and shine some light coughing and say in crumbly-voice that you are sick as you check the temperature of your forehead and massage the neck with the other free hand not holding the phone. They can not see you. Well, at least you should be guilty of being typical so much that makes you come off as weak.

General Rule of Calling Your Employer 1: NEVER CALL YOUR BOSS AGAIN AND TELL HIM/HER THAT YOU ARE NOT FEELING WELL AND STAYING HOME FROM WORK when you know ****** well that you should be getting ready for your time at work but you can not do this.Solution: If you need to take the day off for personal reasons, you probably deserve it! Here's what you do: Pick up the phone, and you dial the creepy number and you tell them something like this:

  "I can not come into work today, I went out last night and had a few too many."

  If you need to explain more, then you tell''em this:

  "I stole a car."

  Okay, now they are being nosy but this is the best part (if they ask).

"Well, I crashed it in a ditch while in police pursuit (brief pause). Then, I ran about ten city blocks but I''m not sure. I jumped several fences and got filthy as I hid in people's yards. I am okay, it's just that I am home now and very tired."

It works best if you get the voice mail because you can say it all out at once! Try singing it to them! Also, you should use their printer to copy this article and keep it for your own personal records. If there are any problems over using a printer for personal use, tell'em I said it was okay. And when you get home, highlight your lines with a stolen highlighter. You're in control now and don't feel bad about stealing. Only God knows how much they're stealing from of our precious time.

  So here''s my point: You just took that situation and reversed it into your favor:

  There's nothing to be guilty about anymore because:                     

1. You told the truth (fact: you did go out last night.)  
   
2. You didn't actually steal an automobile. That would be stupid!
     
   
3. The po-po didn't run you down for a beating after fleeing-foot on 5.0  
   
4. Your lie was better than theirs. (Remember all the times they have lied straight to your face about really important things such as working late, or coming in on your day off, oh yeah: benifits? Or how easy it is for them to screw you out of a day off? The one you arranged weeks in advance -there is always that one, too!)  
   
5. You just gave them the impression that you're not about to submit to their control or play games. Period. One thing a boss can't take away is the courage for you to really slide a great story to them. When you are done talking to them, they are hanging up the phone after listening to you and wondering what it would be like and to see you hurdling six-feet tall chain-link fence in the heat of the moment and under the weight of felonious charges only seconds away. there is no room for errors in moments like this. Thinking that, you are a one hell of a competitor: A person who does not fail or take "no" for any reason, no matter how high or low are the stakes.  
   
6. You got their heads rolling. -and keep it that way! Don''t let their curiosity of you dwindle! Parlay it to your complete advantage and soon they will be envious of you.  
   
7. Most of all, you deserve this day off!