By Mark Gores

Guest commentary 

I have been quiet all summer long about the latest “fashion” trend, but recent developments are causing me to break the silence.Mark
Gores

I have been very accepting of people’s right to wear ugly shoes and afflict my eyes much the same way secondhand smoke afflicts my lungs, in part because I was anticipating the rubber-soled shoes known by the popular brand name Crocs to be put in storage for the winter months alongside the weird pants that are too short for pants and too long for shorts.

Well, it has been brought to my attention that Crocs have come out with two new designs that can be worn all winter. One is their new waterproof boot, without the famous “speed holes.” The much worse design is the bizarre mating of traditional speed-hole Crocs with Uggs. Yes, Cruggs have begun to surface now that fall has hit – proof once more that people will buy anything. What’s next, Creelys?

Crocs have managed to become uber-popular among kids of all ages and adults who like to say the word “uber.” I understand why kids like them. They are rubber, weird-shaped objects with bright colors and are perfect for chewing. I can also see why parents think they are an uber-good idea for their children. They’re cheap, easy to slip on and easy to clean. Yep, even the blood that spews from a child’s missing toe after getting caught in an escalator will rinse right off with water. Type “Crocs escalator” into your favorite search engine and see what I mean. It appears that, thanks to Crocs, children everywhere are finally learning the hard way to fear and respect escalators.

But I’m still confused by the popularity among adults. I understand that they may be good for the beach or gardening, or maybe even a novelty door stop or ashtray, but with khakis at a restaurant is a stretch for me.

I don’t mean to be a Croc block. I just get a little irritated when I’m hanging around someone sporting the latest fad and they invariably fish for compliments and offer their justification for wearing these hideous creations without being asked. “Oh, my feet are sooooo comfortable,” they say. “But they are bright yellow … with holes everywhere,” I reply.

I understand they’re comfortable. In fact, I used to wear a similarly designed shoe back in my restaurant days. But I have never really noticed my feet being uncomfortable in casual settings nor had the need to correct that feeling. It’s kind of like pants; sure, my legs could be more comfortable if I had something other than jeans on, but it’s not traumatizing enough to make me wear something neon with holes. Why do you think you never see me at a restaurant wearing my old, holey Zubaz?

The world would look a lot different if it were suddenly trendy to wear anything comfortable no matter the occasion.

“Honey, what are you going to wear to the wedding tonight?”

“Um, I was thinking my footy pajamas, with my cut-off belly sweatshirt and neon green Croccasins.”

If you are sold on comfort, feel free to wear these Crocs; I won’t judge you. Just remember that you could end up sitting next to some old guy with black tube socks and a braided belt wearing the same shoes as you. Then how comfortable and trendy are you?

 Mark Gores, a 25-year-old real-estate agent, lives in Prior Lake with his wife, Emily.